yduras

Customer, yesterday: Situation X is broken, and I hate Y!
(Note, I have no control over X, only Y, and this is the first time any of this has come to me.)

Me: I've contacted someone to fix X in general, have fixed X in the context of Y. I can fix Y - which of these options would you like me to implement?

Customer: Situation X is still not fixed completely. I've been complaining for days to a totally unrelated person who is on vacation and not able to get their mail so this should be done already! You totally suck. Also, I hate Y!

Me: I can see that the group that can fix X is working in it. I'll give them another call. I can fix Y - which of these options would you like me to implement?

Customer, this morning: You're just passing the buck talking about some other department. You totally suck. Also, I hate Y! You suck becase of Y too!!!
(I check X, it's been fixed overnight.)

Me: It looks like X was fixed overnight. I can fix Y - which of these options would you like me to implement?

...

I feel like a freaking broken record! I'll bet real money that the next response will be a bitchfest about how long it took to fix X and how much she hates Y, and she still won't tell me what she wants fixed about it!

So anyway, I'm planning on seeing Monsters vs. Aliens tonight, down at the Regal Commerce Center (the one on route 1 in North Brunswick), for the 9:40pm showing. I may or may not head down to the area earlier for dinner.

( original tweets )

The same customer who pulled the "It's after 5pm, please do this by tomorrow", sent an update later, complaining that their work was "full of typo's". Well, #1, everything we had came from them originally, and #2, there was exactly one item on their list that was an actual typo (an apostrophe has turned into a question mark, probably a smartquotes issue). So, no, writing "Fax" instead of "Facsimile" is not a typo. Similarly, typing "and" rather than "&" is also not a typo.

I don't mind being told there are edits, even finicky cosmetic edits. I mind being implicitly accused of sloppiness when what's really happening is that the customer changed their minds.

The tweet really does say it all:

• 17:58 Email arrives at 5:24pm March 24. They want it done "by tomorrow, March 25, 2009". Yeah, and I want a pony. #

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

I mean, seriously? The customer's on the east coast, so they can't even use the time zone excuse. Someone really sent an email after 5pm, asking for something to be done by the next day. Not even "by the end of tomorrow", just "by tomorrow".

Our usual turnaround, by the way, is 24-48 hours.

So, the SciFi Channel has decided to rename itself 'SyFy'. This is stupid, but aside from being fun to mock, just falls under "Marketing - it's wacky." The official reasoning is that SyFy, not being or resembling an actual word, can be trademarked and will turn up unique search results and that sort of thing.

Some of the other reasons given make it all the way to offensive, though, as well as reinforcing the long-standing impression that the network hates its viewing audience:

“The name Sci Fi has been associated with geeks and dysfunctional, antisocial boys in their basements with video games and stuff like that, as opposed to the general public and the female audience in particular,” said TV historian Tim Brooks, who helped launch Sci Fi Channel when he worked at USA Network.

Mr. Brooks said that when people who say they don’t like science fiction enjoy a film like “Star Wars,” they don’t think it’s science fiction; they think it’s a good movie.

“We spent a lot of time in the ’90s trying to distance the network from science fiction, which is largely why it’s called Sci Fi,” Mr. Brooks said. “It’s somewhat cooler and better than the name ‘Science Fiction.’ But even the name Sci Fi is limiting.”

(emphasis added)

Well, I am so glad to hear that I haven't been watching and reading science fiction all my life! Who knew?

You heard me. Eight pm, at the Aviation.

You know what, I'm making an unpopular decision here, to suit my own whim. You see, back in the day, I started announcing movie nights on my livejournal because I was tired of all the back and forthing of arranging movie nights. A can't make it early, B hates that theater, C doesn't feel like driving, whine, whine, whine. So I started just saying where I was going to be and that I'd like to see people there. If you look at the last couple posts, though, you can see drama developing. I hate drama. So I'm just going with my own convenience here. We'll probably be back at the Rte 1 Regal for the next big movie outing. END RANT

Now here's the thing, except for the individuals who have to work until 7pm, there is a very cool option. The Evil One is going to be taking a group to the Route 1 Loews for the 7pm showing. There will be many a congenial geek there. Seriously, and for an evil guy, The Evil One is good company.

I (and probably aiskon and ishldgetoutmore) will be at the AMC Aviation (US 1 and South Stiles St. Linden, NJ 07036) at 8pm. Anyone wants to join up with us, that would be keen, but no hard feelings if it's too far a drive.

Tuesday was heavy with the stupid. I really do get how someone can get anxious about a request. But, seriously? If I say "It'll be done by the end of the day", all incessant calls for status will accomplish is to make me keep stopping work on the request to chat about it. This... is not productive.

I quit answering calls from a particular extension after the first two calls. The calls to continue in. Finally, after I see the phone light up again, I mutter, "Call me one more time to ask when it'll be done and it's going to the bottom of the effing pile!" Five minutes later, as I finished the final touches, a co-worker walks around to my cubicle. "[caller] says she's been trying to get in touch with you all day. There's an account number..."

"Yeah," I tell him. "It's no co-incidence. I've been ignoring her on purpose. Also, you don't need to tell me the account. Because it's done. She's just lucky you didn't walk over here a minute sooner."

I empathize. She was probably getting leaned on. But.... aaaaugh!

We got another puzzle to turn in for a drawing. I didn't win either drawing.

Today's Customer Service Week Quote: "Your most unhappy customers are your greatest source of learning.-- Bill Gates" Also we got another vague congratulatory email from management.

I picked up this quote from an article about CSW at NJTransit, heh - "Rahway is known for two things, refineries and that other thing that isn't even in Rahway (it's in Avenel, lucky Avenel.)" -nj.com

I spent a lot of yesterday afternoon in paroxysms of frustration and wound up staying late just so I could get something actually finished. If it worked, I wouldn't mind so much that it takes so long. If it didn't take so long, I wouldn't mind so much that it doesn't work. It's sitting for an eternity for the opportunity to find out it's STILL screwed up that's driving me up the wall.

Believe me, I get that the devs are scrambling like mad to make the deadline. But once we launch, I'm the one who has to support this thing. Which means it's important that I can make it work before the users call in asking how stuff works.

me: Hey, [function] isn't working for me. I'm getting this error.

it: Try X.

me: I tried X, but I'm still getting the same error. Now what?

[no reply, time passes]

me: Just checking on that [function] issue. Any update?

[no reply, more time passes]

boss: Is there anything you still can't get to work?

me: Yeah, [function] still won't work. (escalates issue again, cc's boss).

it: Oh, we closed that issue because the solution is X.

Aaaarrrgh!

It's one of those things where if you say nothing, then you're complicit in the silence. And yet...

tits tits tits tits

You know, that's really obnoxious.

Who are you to tell me what I can say? You're trying to take away my freedom of speech!

So, in your world, 'freedom of speech' means that you can say any obnoxious thing you like, but nobody else can say they find it obnoxious?

LAlALALALAIcan'thearyou! HELP, HELP, I'M BEING OPPRESSED!

(No, this was no one incident in particular, just a pattern of them. Although I will say that in one of the recent examples, 'tits' was not the word in question)

Oh, hey, quickie PSA, if you felt the midwest earthquake today, you should go to the GSPS and report what you experienced.

In other news, the sore throat is slightly less painful, but otherwise my cold lingers on. Feh. I hate being sick.

So, a few stills of the costuming for Silken Floss have turned up on the net.

Apparently in addition from being transformed from a nuclear physicist/surgeon to an "evil secretary", she's also been turned into an evil secretary who's too stupid to remember to put on a shirt.

Note to costumers: A push-up bra under a suit jacket is not a retro look. It was a briefly fashionable look a decade ago, and it was incredibly tacky then, too.

Why, oh why, are they letting Miller desecrate Eisner's work?

I mean, aside from some lingering con crud from Katsucon. But I wasn't really any sicker Friday than I'd been Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday.

From: Building Services
Sent: Friday, February 22, 2008 4:47 AM
Subject: Delayed Office Opening - Fri Feb 22

Due to inclement weather, the ... Office will open at 10:00am today, Friday February 22nd. Thank you.

From: Building Services
Sent: Friday, February 22, 2008 12:31 PM
Subject: Early Closing

Good afternoon, The ... Office will be closing at 1pm due to the inclement weather. Thank you.

Because I'm totally psychic and knew that was going to happen, and there was no way I was going to drag my sick self out of bed, excavate my car, and drive through horrible conditions, just to be sent back home. I think not.

The folks who made it in did get free pizza for lunch. I don't really think pizza would have made it worth it, though.

I came in this morning to find this in my email inbox:

From: Corporate Services
Sent: Tuesday, February 12, 2008 9:37 PM
To: ALL
Subject: Delayed Office Opening - Wed Feb 13
Importance: High

Due to inclement weather, the [...] Office will open at 10:00am on Wednesday February 13th. Thank you.

Corporate Services

There was a similarly themed voicemail, also timed at nine-thirtyish pm.

Guess when I got these messages? If you guessed "when I got into the office on time", you get a gold star.

*headdesk*

Bill would make it illegal to feed the obese (USA Today)

House Bill No. 282, which was introduced this month, says:

Any food establishment to which this section applies shall not be allowed to serve food to any person who is obese, based on criteria prescribed by the State Department of Health after consultation with the Mississippi Council on Obesity Prevention and Management established under Section 41-101-1 or its successor. The State Department of Health shall prepare written materials that describe and explain the criteria for determining whether a person is obese, and shall provide those materials to all food establishments to which this section applies. A food establishment shall be entitled to rely on the criteria for obesity in those written materials when determining whether or not it is allowed to serve food to any person.

Mississipi Lawmakers Propose Banning Fat People From Restaurants (Alas, a blog)

Mississippi legislators seek to bar restaurants from serving fat people (Feministe)

I just got this email to one of my personal email addresses (which I emphatically do not give out to customers):

yduras,

I apologize for contacting you at your personal email address. On the weekend, no less! But I am having a problem with the [product] that you helped me launch. And this can't wait until Monday.

[Two paragraphs explaining problem in detail.]

I've already left voicemail and have sent email correspondence to [the department that actually does handle such issues], but no one has replied. Can you escalate this for me? Someone must be on call during the weekend for emergencies. They can contact me at ...

Thanks in advance for your help.

--[Customer]

I have to assume that the customer did a Google search on my name, found my resume, and used the email contact on that. I'll grant that he would not have recieved a response from the regular channels until Tuesday (we're closed Monday, which I am sure he did not know), and that it was conceivably a revenue-affecting issue, but that really doesn't make contacting me personally any less creepy.

I considered just ignoring it, but the kindness of my heart kicked in. I sent him a quick note apologizing that I have no access to work systems from home... and blind copied my boss's work email. I happen to know that my boss checks his work email on weekends (he has a blackberry/leash) and he also supervises the people who do fix problems like the one in question. Lo!, my boss replied to the customer and said he'd look into it.

I feel conflicted. One the one hand, tracking me down like that distinctly crosses a boundary, and I don't want to encourage that sort of thing. On the other hand, it feels wrong to be able to help someone and just not do it out of orneryness. We'll see how things played out when I go into work on Tuesday...

Sending me an email to tell me "There is an error with [customer]'s website"[1] is about as useful to me as an email subject line consisting solely of "RE: website"[2].

I don't expect an essay long explanation with every contingency covered, but maybe we could start with any information at all?

[1] Note that, historically, approximately 33% of things you consider to be "errors" are either the way things are supposed to be (but you didn't understand what you were selling) or are exactly what you asked for.

[2] Note that every. single. thing. that I do here involves a website in one way or another. Thanks ever so much for narrowing it down.

Two important facts here. One, we work normal business hours M-F, just like most other businesses. Two, we have a two business day turnaround time for requests. (Not that I take that long if I can at all help it, but that's the official timeframe.)

Customer sends us a couple of emails on Friday, maybe 3ish. Then, on Saturday, about 1 in the afternoon, we get

"[thing] that was sent late on Thursday does not seem to be complete. Please advise. In addition, I sent you two Emails on Friday. I did not receive any response."

The Thursday thing, by the way, was something that belongs to another department, and takes slightly longer to process. The customer was told this. You know how I know? Because I heard my fellow rep tell him. More than once.

::headdesk:: I get that he's just eager. But, just... Dude, relax! It's the grown up version of "Are We There Yet?" and it does not endear.

Todays definition of restraint - Keeping all hint of "I think you're a moron" out of my tone of voice while explaining to the customer that typing an email address into their browser won't get an email to us.

How can someone who received the instruction to "email us the stuff at 123@example.com" via email not have some inkling of the difference between email and a web page? It's not even the first customer who's said "I keep putting 123@example.com into my browser and it comes up page not found".

Come on, people. This isn't even an advanced concept here!

Pop quiz, kids.

I am working. I am clearly frustrated with our system and working hard to try to get something done anyway. You know a metric fuckload less about this system than I do. Poll #1062818
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All

What do you do?

If you took the second choice, clearly you have met me before.

It's not that I'm anti-social, really. But how can anyone who's worked near me for months still not pick up that I hate being interrupted when I am trying to focus?

AAAAAUUUGH!

Dear Customer,

We work normal business hours. Well, ok, we have phone coverage until 7pm, but basically we're a 9-5 operation. Sending an email at 10pm asking for a same-day turnaround is... a sign of great optimism. I commend you on your positive outlook. I also thank you for your comment that "tomorrow [Friday] would be ok, too." It was very generous of you to extend your deadline like that.

I'll get right on it. No really. You're one of my better frequent flyers and I'm amused rather than annoyed.

 

Dear Less-Amusing Customer,

Time spent on your account is billable. I'm really generous about logging as little time as possible, but telling me not to charge you time because "it's just corrections" guarantees every minute I work is getting put on your account.

Oh, and "I changed my mind; Try a different font," is not an error. And it sure as heck isn't an error on our part.

Neither is "Oh, wait, I just thought of something else to add."

In fact, after completing your request, there were four formatting changes, two hand-written additions and exactly one correction - of something that was wrong in the original document you provided.